are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
