Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
