he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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