While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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