Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
