I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
