I just made out with a guy for $7.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
