turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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