So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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