We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
