im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
