I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
