this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize