he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
