I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
