if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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