Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just had sex on a roof
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
