You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
