I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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