I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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