so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
