i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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