i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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