Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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