So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
