My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
