last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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