If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
