FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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