is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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