A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize