Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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