i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
