Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize