I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
