Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
