I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can't turn off my feet"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
