also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize