remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
