Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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