Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
