if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
