Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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