I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
