I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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