Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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