I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
