You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
