did you get engaged???
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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