Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
