just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
