I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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