I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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