Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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