Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
