I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
