You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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