it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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