I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Do you remember whose house we're in?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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