ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
