i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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