totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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