Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
