Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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