please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
