where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
