i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
