I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
