I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
