ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
