i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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