It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
