Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
