actually, I'm a sock model
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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