You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i think my cat just said my name.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
