I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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