wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the condom got lost in my hair
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
