Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
