grandma shit on top of the toilet
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
