ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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